So this is my life and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad

I'm feeling pretty emo and I'm not sure why.

It's 3:18 in the morning and I will be leaving for work in twelve hours.

The sun has yet to show any signs of getting up this morning. At least I'm not the only one.

My mind's racing.

I have half a mind to die right now

I think it's because of my jubilantness of the past couple of weeks. Now it's time for Newton's third law to kick in.

For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction.

The air conditioner about three feet away is obnoxiously loud and cold.

But for some reason I can't seem to turn it off.

The silence left behind when I do is just

deafining.

Terrifying.

I'm afraid of the dark. And the creaks my house makes when no one is listing. And the whispers. And someone is watching me.

Hiding behind every corner. Making my heart race just walking to the bathroom. Checking over my shoulder even with a light on.

What is wrong with me.

I can't seem to hear. Everything is dull. Music is playing, but it seems off in the distance, when in reality it's shouting. Waking up all those who should be dreaming to get out of the stress of their lives.

Then they take it out on those around them.

And the music keeps playing.

Song after song.

I like them. But I don't notice when they're being played. The ones not matching the mood stand out. I ignore.

My wrist aches. Neck throbbing. Back bent.

I sit up strait then back to making that annoying clicking sound of my keyboard that for some reason I can pick out from all the noises surrounding me.

My wrists ache. It's been too long.

So I think about that again. Why. My ploy for attention.

It's pathetic really.

But that's life.

They say I'm depressed.

Or that I'm pessimistic.

I'm not.

I'm

realistic.

With a dash of parinoia. Depression in a diffrent flavour than what they assume.

I've learned that this mixture only makes one thing.